Since CBC viewers are still in painful Doctor Who withdrawal (Satan Pit! Next! Week!) I thought I’d share with you a tale of woe, frustration and a little bit of delight…it’s the story of how I got a remote controlled Dalek for Christmas—and it only took 13 months to get it.

Here’s what happened…

Spring, Summer, Fall 2005: I spend the bulk of this time with my then-new girlfriend peppering her with subtle hints about what I’d like for Christmas…

Her: Won’t it be nice to spend Christmas together for the first time?
Me: I can’t wait. Especially to open up my presents and find a remote controlled new series Dalek

And so on. The URL for the Reputable Online Dealer of Doctor Who Goods in her birthday card might have been a little obvious, I admit.

December 24, 2005: I come home from work to discover a package has been left for me. Contents on the customs form include “robot toy”. Could it be…? I open it up to discover my beautiful, talented and thoughtful girlfriend had bought for me (and had shipped to me)...a Peter Cushing movie remote controlled Dalek. But hey, it’s the thought that counts. And it still moves around and shrieks ‘Exterminate’. So I’m happy.

Except FIVE MINUTES after I get the thing working, my Dalek dies. It’s as though the static electricity in the Thal City had been abruptly cut off. Buy new batteries and replace the batteries—still nothing. The beast is kaput. There was much weeping on Christmas Eve. But then The Christmas Invasion aired the next day and I got an iPod nano, so I got over it fast.

January 2, 2006 I write the Reputable Online Dealer of Doctor Who Goods and inform him that my Dalek is dead. RODDWG writes me back “It’s probably shorted out. This happens a lot with those” Leading me to wonder, “Then why sell it?”. I arrange to send it back to him and he’ll give me an in-store credit. It gets sent back and I’m credited accordingly (though, I only realize now, I was never reimbursed for the cost of postage). As there aren’t any remote controlled Daleks I particularly trust available, I decide to wait until RODDWG is selling new series remote controlled pepperpots.

March 10, 2006: At last. RODDWG is finally selling new series r/c Daleks. I go to try to order one…but RODDWG has changed their website architecture and I can’t use my credit. RODDWG fixes my problemt. I have to pay $30 extra, though, because a replica from a hot new TV series costs more than a replica from a fun-but-cheesy ‘60s movie.

Late April: My Dalek never arrives. I e-mail RODDWG. He tells me to wait a while more as it might take longer than a month to go in the post. Never mind that the other one only took a couple of weeks.

Late May: Dalek still not arrived. RODDWG informs me that he needs to get insurance money back from the US Postal Service before he can send me a new one.

Early July: I inquire once again about the status of my lost Dalek and I’m told that the paperwork for insurance from the USPS takes a very long time.

Late July: There is suddenly a flurry of activity as RODDWG faxes me USPS insurance forms to sign and I fax them back. Could it be that I could get my Dalek now? Could it be that RODDWG, seeing that the insurance arrangements are in progress, could actually send me my Dalek?

September 26, 2006: Not a cruking chance in hell, apparently. I write RODDWG and say “Where is this at? We’re now almost into the 10th month since my girlfriend made the initial order. If I’m not getting a remote control Dalek soon, I’m going to want my money back.”

So RODDWG refunds me my money right then and there. Oooo-kay…

November: At this point, I decide to just wait til my next convention to purchase my Dalek. But then I received a flyer at WhoBash for Pixel Barrel, another online seller of Doctor Who merchandise. And what’s more a Canadian one!  Are they selling the new series remote controlled Dalek? Yes!  Do they have it in stock? No! But they’re hoping to have it by the beginning of December. That’s good. Downside with them is that because they work with PayPal, even in pre-ordering they take the money off you right away. But the price is so good, who cares? I order it. Dare I dream?

Early December: My dream comes crashing down…they likely won’t get it til February.

Late December: But suddenly hope abounds! I get an e-mail from them saying they’ll have it in stock in the next few days and what colour would I like it in? (Gold of course!)

January 3, 2007: Canada Post sends me an e-mail telling me The Dalek Has Landed, so to speak, and is on its way to me. Could it be here tomorrow?

January 4, 2007: Put a sign on my mailbox indicating to postie to deliver to my side-entrance basement apartment. Doesn’t arrive.

January 5, 2007: Put a sign on my mailbox indicating to postie to deliver to my side-entrance basement apartment. Doesn’t arrive.

January 8, 2007: Put a sign on my mailbox indicating to postie to deliver to my side-entrance basement apartment. Doesn’t arrive. But just as I’m about to leave for work what should arrive but the familiar red and white van…

Hooray! It’s finally here. But I have to go to work. But I know it’s in a box waiting for me. When I come home, I get to finally play with my Dalek. But very carefully because I don’t want to break it. I know what’s in store if that were ever to happen…

And it’s awesome. And very impressive. There’s something bizarre and just a little bit chilling to be sitting on a floor watching a foot tall Dalek barrelling towards you as it shouts pre-recorded-by-Nick-Briggs slogans. It’s the best Christmas present ever. It only took 380 days to get it, but it’s still the best Christmas present ever.